running towards life!

like most people...probably everyone lol...as the year draws to a close, i like to reflect on things i've done, events that have occurred, people i've met, and places i've been. good things have happened, and i'm definitely thankful for many blessings and for making it through the year. but--on the same token--a lot of not-so-pleasant things have happened as well...academically, relationship-wise, mentally...and all of that has affected me spiritually. i'm sure Satan has had his hand in the midst, but i know some of it was caused by me too...

you see friends, i'm tired of just "making it through." and i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself all the time or not remembering what i do or what happens to me (both good and bad). while i understand that God is in control, i don't think He's put me on this earth to just sit on my futon and watch Law and Order for the rest of my life (as tempting as that definitely sounds...). lately, idk, i've just felt like there's so much more to life, so much more God has in store for me. and often times i feel like He has to re-write my script because i'm so stubborn! some bad things have happened because that's just life. but some of that stuff happens because i allow it to happen. or even worse, i seek it out! i want this year to the be the year that i re-claim my life for God. a year where i truly seek Him and what His purpose is for my life. b/c clearly all the "guessing" i've been doing hasn't quite worked out lol

while looking at one of my line sister's blog (you can check out my lovely beauty queen line sister Amina here), i saw she had a cute theme for her title year. so i took it and tweaked it to fit my own theme for 2011. if you haven't already figured it out (*cough cough* it's the title of my blog), my theme for 2011 is "Running Towards Life!" man, i wish you could see my face right now...I'M SO EXCITED!!! ok, let me explain. i finally settled on this theme b/c...well, it fits PERFECTLY! haha i run from a lot of things because i'm afraid or worried i'm not good enough to be happy, loved, successful, etc. this includes opportunities and even relationships. basically, any time anything gets rough or scary, i throw up the deuces and peace out. [not cool, i know...] well, this year, it's not that i wanna stop running...i just wanna run in another direction. you know, use my energy to build healthy relationships, to be okay with who i am, to continue on my academic path, but most importantly, to gain a true relationship with God.

obviously all of the running i've spoken of thus far is figurative :-) BUT to further solidify it, i will be running in real life! to drive home my point (to myself, because i tend to slack on things that will be beneficial to me) i'm going to be training to run a 5k and hopefully a half marathon in 2011!!! i have 3 races i'm looking at completing, so keep in your prayers PLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE :-/ i've NEVER been the running type, and i don't know if i'll make it out of this alive...but, now that i think about it, i hope i don't. i want this experience, this endeavor to kill the old me...the self-destructive me...and create a new me. the me God intended me to be. one that follows Him, loves herself and others...

i'm running towards better, healthier diet.
i'm running towards good mental health.
i'm running towards solid, supportive relationships.
i'm running towards loving my body.
i'm running towards loving my spirit.
but most of all, i'm running towards life in Christ.

freedom.

it's been an intense week, ending with a long and tiresome night.
i close today with a simple, yet loaded, question:

what's easier: forgiving yourself or forgiving others?