today i went to the eye doctor. seems harmless enough, right? yea...not so much. some of you may be aware of this, but for the last couple of weeks i've been semi-stressing about this appointment. after undergoing a makeshift eye test with one of my friends (VERY makeshift...letters written on a white piece of paper, taped to the wall kind of makeshift :-P), i confirmed a dreaded realization: my eyesight was fading.
curse you, grad school and your incessant need for me to be reading or typing something at least 21 hours a day.
so, begrudgingly, i made an appointment. long story short, yep you guessed it...i need glasses. at first, not at all happy about this, i pouted to anyone who would listen. i didn't know this about myself, i kinda prided myself on never needing glasses. and while i absolutely adore them...i only adore them on other people apparently! lol surprisingly though, as i was thinking about writing this post, me needing glasses wasn't the most salient thing for me about this entire process. if anything, how i felt throughout the exam seems to be the driving force behind this post.
for anyone who's ever had an eye exam, you know the drill. for me, this is the first time i've had one since i was little, and subsequently, i did not remember what actually went on in one. so i was a little taken aback with it all. especially the eye drops. my dilated eyes coupled with the lenses helped me see so well! who knew i could actually see letters from what i thought were tiny, blurry blobs!!! haha :-P this made me elated but also very anxious because not only did i not expect my eyes to respond that way (during the dilation), it made me realize how much i've probably missed in the past BECAUSE i thought i was seeing clearly...
with all the changes that have occurred this summer, i am starting to trust God more and--in turn--He's helping me see things clearer than i ever have before. but that's also really scary for me. actually, terrifying is probably a better word! in that clarity i'm starting to see just how much i haven't been following Him or relying on Him to lead me, instead of taking situations into my own hands. even more so, i'm seeing that some things i hold near and dear will have to be cut from my life--people, things i watch/listen to, ways of doing things, etc. where i go from here, or what my life will look like, is unknown to me...but what i'm learning is that God has a plan for me to be amazing and not for me to fail or be in a bad place (Jeremiah 29:11).
and so i continue on this journey of truly letting go and letting God have His way.
