...no such luck.
after going to Moe's...and getting free queso, cuz it's free queso day (cha - ching!!!)...i came home to watch a movie. by myself.
ya see, i'm avoiding watch a movie i HAVE to watch for class. it's going to be depressing. my friend already bailed on me in watching it. frankly, i'm not in the mood to watch ppl strung out on drugs. and i'm pretty sure i don't wanna be a substance abuse counselor either.
[just in case you were wondering, my class is on substance abuse. now that we're on the same page...lol]
in the midst of all this, it's dawned on me that i don't like being alone. i like being alone, i just...don't like being alone. hang in there, i'll try to clear it up haha. i'm fine with being alone when i want to be. but when i don't want to be, i find it very hard to entertain myself. if i'm alone, and i don't want to be, i usually spend that time figuring out how NOT to be alone anymore.
sound familiar? oh, i guess not.
anywho, i don't know much about self-esteem, body image, and all that other jazz...but i'm pretty sure that in order to like yourself you should probably like being around yourself. if i may take a moment to be completely honest...i don't really like myself all that much. i haven't for as long as i can remember...
but every so often, i get a glimpse of what that will look like...how it will feel one day to finally accept me for who i am. flaws and all. one of those moments came today...as i danced in my apt to the credits of the movie i just finished.
i felt free, unbridled. not a care in the world. and even though i felt too tall, too fat, too ugly, and too uncoordinated when i started...towards the end, i felt ok.
ok is good. much better than not.
that's how i want to feel all the time, don't you?
i felt that way as i looked out from the top of the Gateway Arch...i was there this past week. idk what i have to do, but Lord...please help me to see me as you do.
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