blind.

*sigh* this week...i can't even begin to explain how crazy this week as been for me. but that's another blog for another time. i won't be long, but i just felt like i needed to share this...

in the midst of a breakdown like i've never experienced before, i came across Psalm 38. even now, i'm not sure how i even found it...but i'd always heard that you should read your bible when you're going through rough times, for encouragement(and even lately, that's the message i'd been getting from a number of people). so i decided to give it a shot. i mean, it couldn't hurt right?

randomly, i found Psalm 38. and as i began to read it, almost immediately i began crying. after having cried for almost 2 days, i didn't think i had it in me. but, there was something about this psalm from David that really touched. i completely got where he was coming from...it was exactly how i was feeling in that moment, how i had been feeling for so long apparently. idk why, but after reading it, i felt better...not great, just better. it was like all i was looking for was to be understand. to not feel like i was the ONLY person in the world who'd ever felt that way, felt so dirty...not wanting God to be disappointed or hate me...felt like i was beyond help..and just feeling like i was crying out to God about all of this, but in vain.

well, this morning, i happened to come back to it while looking for another verse. my bible has headings throughout the chapters... part way through this psalm (between verses 14 and 15), i saw the phrase "God is not far away." when i read this like maybe a day or 2 ago, i'd completely missed this! that realization made me think about how many other times we miss God because we're looking for so many other things. sometimes it's because we're so busy in life, we just overlook His grace and mercy altogether...but then there are other times that life's circumstances also prevent us from seeing Him, even when He's right next to us.

that's why you have to constantly be seeking Him. trust me, i'm speaking to myself at this point too. i only saw that He was "not too far away" when i actually took time to look around for Him. it's easy to get lost in this world, to get overrun with school, work, life, to feel like you're drowning and that you're too far down to be saved. but it isn't true! make time each day to look for God around you...in the bible, in nature, in other believers, in your circumstances--good or bad. because He's there...just waiting for you to notice.

this could be something that you already know, but i hope it served as a reminder. :-)